Our star party turned into a rainbow party.  
The magnolias were not cloying as we tromped in the wet grass. 
The clouds were gilt with golden light.

Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors,
there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Of all of the months, I think April is the most interesting to experience. There is just something completely unique about the transition from winter to spring. April finds you where you are and can lift you up into a whirlwind of love, creativity, and constant motion or April can bring you to your knees , befuddling you with tears and leaving you feeling turned inside out and slightly crazed.

I speak from experience.

 

Every April I chatter on and on to my friends about my April Theory and I post a little essay on this here blog !

I was happy to note this year that Barbara Kingsolver seems to agree with the April effect . She writes in Animal,Vegetable, Miracle, "April is the cruelest month, T.S. Eliot wrote, by which I think he meant (among other things) that springtime makes people crazy. We expect too much, the world burgeons with promises, all passion is really a setup, and we're doomed to get our hearts broken yet again. I agree, and would further add: Who cares? Every spring I go there anyway, around the bend, unconditionally. I'm a soul on ice flung out on a rock in the sun where the needles that pierced be begin to melt all as one¹."

 

So without further adieu, Here is my annual posting of the APRIL THEORY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

April is here. If your are feeling tad unhinged, a bit crazed or just plain touched, just hold on tight. Things will probably seem more manageable come May. I'm serious.

April,or early spring, has a special kind of energy. A creative, explosive force  that can make one wild or melancholy. Sad or prolific. Absolutely wonky or wretchedly dark...or maybe a little bit of everything.

My own life experience has revealed such a pattern. This pattern led to The April Theory. As far back as I've been tracking it goes like this....

1992:January, February, March, Crazy
1993: January, February, March, depressed and green warranted
1994: January, February, March,  Specifically, 4/9/94 (palindrome) was an infamous night in my  personal history. It is the night I, my first husband, my best friend and a few other folks had an origami party (mentioned earlier in blog entry titled Paperfolding) and we also had a silly, yet serious, proclamation of VOWELS (not vows). I'll save the rest for another entry. Needless to say, we were completely pixilated. April can be quite inspiring.
1995: April: incredibly bohemian times tinged with mania, highly creative time.
1996: April: separation from first husband
1997: April: wildly delicious, intensely creative time
1998: April: same as 1997
1999: April: very depressing pregnancy. I was not a happy pregnant person.
2000: April: I have no recollection of this year's April
2001: April: I was in the hospital the first week of April after having been operated on and diagnosed with stage lll colon cancer. Twas the most horrific April of all.
2002: April: overwhelmingly lovely spring
2003: April: a prolific time
2004: Ecstatic April as our daughter was born a few days before. She was born exactly 3 years after my cancer diagnosis; cancelling out that horrific day.

2005-07: A calm but highly productive and artistic April

 

    This theory developed from long conversations with my best friend, Corey, who has experienced the April crazies with great frequency. Perhaps, the term spring fever sprang from this phenomena? And I would definitely make a slight distinction between, to quote owl in Bambi, being "twitterpated" and the April freak outs that I have experienced; though they are definitely related. Maybe this tendency is forgotten knowledge? Maybe the spring rites from days of yore emerged from an innate need for humans to exorcise the darkness of winter through wild bonfire dances and copulation in the bushes whose branches were swelling with life. A formal and extravagant farewell to death at least until next winter.

The spring equinox occurs when sun passes through the constellation Pisces, so that explains it all right? The sign of Pisces is two fish swimming in opposite directions. I've often used that little bit of information to explain away my inner conflict and odd behaviors .

 
Here's what I have in support of my April/Spring Theory, play along:

~ According to T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland

~ More suicides occur in the spring than any other season...bet most folks think it is winter but I reckon spring is a slap in the face to people who are in the depths of despair. At least the coldness of winter commiserates with you.

~ Spring Fever: n. a feeling of languor or yearning brought on by the coming of spring

~ Then there is April Fool's Day

~ I've heard country people say that ailing old folks usually make through the winter and then die in spring.

~ I know that April is the kind of month that feels like a perfect May day on the 6th and a brisk March day on the 8th. It is unpredictable. It is marginal. Lots of folks just can' t handle marginality. Marginality can conflict nations so I imagine it can unruffle your psyche a bit too.

~April is National Poetry Month

See, that can't be coincidental.

So, let spring in. If you resist, you'll probably feel foul. Either way, you'll be slightly askew. Get outside and put your hands in the dirt. Build a fire and enjoy the feeling of a warm face and cool posterior; you'll be sharing a sensual experience that has been felt by peoples from all times and places in human history. Make love, let your kids stay up way too late. Give in to your creative desires. Let wildness rule for a bit, you may not know it, but you need it.

Yep, April is here and I feel compelled to share my theory and give fair warning. This one feels like it is going to be a doozie.

I'll always, ever remember when
April came and licked us up,
Pouring us in and out of cups².

Fare thee well.

 

 

 

¹ Kingsolver, Barbara, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life, (Harper Collins, 2007) 45.

² Certa, Kimmy. April's Ten of Cups, (self published,1994)

 

 I never liked coffee until I got a job cooking in a small, indie coffeehouse in Richmond, Virginia. Twas around 1994 and I was looking for work. I was 24 and  had worked in kitchens for several years by then. Through a friend, I started cooking at World Cup Coffee. Within a week or two, the kitchen was all mine. All 10' X 10" of it (if that). The wee kitchen had a double sink, a small steel dishwasher, and a metal table with an industrial hot plate on top. Above it hung a big stock pot, a medium sized pot and a sauté pan. To the right was a shelf with herbs and spices. The convection oven was through the double swing doors behind the coffee bar.

 I created the menu and cooked everything for our little shop and two other shops the owners had just opened. Eventually, they scaled back to just the one shop again though. It was a great job and I worked with some amazing women. I made some forever friends and a boatload of memories at World Cup. For a while there I booked poetry readings and music there as well. It was a fantastic place to work.

And so began my work in coffeeshops and my love for coffee began with the oh-so-sweet, creamy and spicy Thai coffee.  Eventually, I weaned myself off the fattening and delicious sugary Thai brew and graduated to a deep fondness for espresso.

There is nothing quite like working in a coffeeshop. People come to you for a warm cup of caffeine imparting goodness. All kinds of people love and need their coffee. Grumpy old men who clog up your coffeehouse toilet and boast about it need coffee. Artists with or without talent need coffee. Medical students need lots of coffee and were definitely part of the coffeeshop camper crowd. Writers and real estate agents need their coffee; as do students and members of AA and NA. Business folks and sweet little penny counting grannies need their coffee. Crazy people need their coffee. Public masturbators, mothers, fathers, doctors, lawyers, judges and even the Governor needs some coffee. I love'm all and I think it is the people that have lured me into this career. If only I could make a living wage serving coffee, I just might make it my career.

I seriously considered opening up my own coffeeshop in the nineties but it just wasn't my time. For two women here in Richmond, it is time and they've opened up a lovely little coffeehouse near my neighborhood and I'm glad they did. It is in a building that Chris and I have always adored. A little corner shop with stained glass and some interesting graphics painted on the old brick near a Coca Cola ghost painting. The Globe Hopper opened a few days ago and I took my two little ones (seasoned coffeeshop customers) in to grab a latte and a treat and check out this new local business.

 

The Globe Hopper is well appointed. The stained glass I have admired since I moved here in 1990 was even more wonderful from the inside where sunlight shone through and created a rainbow of light on a sofa. Buddha art and handcrafted caramels were also appreciated by this trio of happy coffeeshop goers. However, the shining jewel of the Globe Hopper has to be the latte. It really was the most delicious latte I have ever had in the city of Richmond and I've had a lot of lattes. I've MADE a hundreds of lattes but this one was like a dessert. The espresso's flavor was so superior to any I've had in recent memory and the foam was perfect in every way.

Globe Hopper also uses cups made from recycled materials and corn plastic cups which are compostable. My personal jury is still out on corn plastics. I think it is great that they are biodegradable but me thinks that there must be a lot of chemicals and residual waste that goes into turning corn into plastic. <mental note: find out how corn becomes plastic>

I'll also mention that I briefly interacted with both of the owners of Globe Hopper and they were very pleasant. I wish them great joy in their business and community endeavors and if you live in the East End or are visiting us, do stop by 2100 E.Main Street if you love good espresso or homemade caramels for 40 cents !

 

 

 

 

I'm on day three of my moonblood cycle. And yes, I actually talk like that in real life. Ask anyone  who knows me:) This is always the day when I feel utterly drained. My feet are cold. I'm still in my pajamas and I've sent the kids to watch Peter Pan in our bedroom so I can crank up the music and mess with photos and blog. A little Radiohead, a dab of Low, some Ralph Stanley & Gillian Welch, Benevento and Russo Duo (who we will be seeing March 5th in Richmond) creates an interesting mood on this cold and wet day.

Ya know,when I write, I don't always know what is going to come out. Sometimes I go back and read what I've written and it doesn't even sound like me. Of course, its hard to know what you sound like.

I've started two entries to day. One I deleted and the other I'll save for another time. THIS one though , I decided, should be positive. 

POSITIVITY is my new challenge. I've conquered the tobacco, I'm succeeding in taking care of my body and now I need to care for my soul. 

"Can you please ask your brother (or sister) that in a more positive way?"

"Um, Kimmy, can you try and approach this upcoming event with love and high expectations?"

"Boychild, can you rephrase that in a more caring tone?"

The answer is "Yes, yes we can."

Can we start making it our habit?  

"We will give it our all. "

__________

So this month has been filled with moments of bliss. We spent time with friends who moved to Flagstaff 2 years ago. There was a magical time when our lives were all intermingled. Our lives were changed when they left but it is comforting to know that they are very happy out there in the West. We tried to spend every moment we could with them. Crux was best friends with their son and it was heartwarming to see that they still enjoyed each other's company.

________ 

Another highlight of our lives lately has been the wee potluck circle that has developed between us and 2 other families. Not only has my food rut disappeared thanks to the amazing food Debbie and Nancy delight me with but it has also inspired me to explore the amazing healing properties of communal eating. Food sustains us and , I believe, has the ability to heal our bodies and our communities. I wonder if our Neighborhood Resource Center would host a monthly neighborhood potluck?....

With Debbie's permission, I will post her recipe for the delectable and incomparable AMBROSIA !!

_________

 

Bliss. You know what bliss is? Moon Journaling is bliss. I bought a wonderful book about 2 years ago called: Moon Journaling: Writing, Art and Inquiry through Focused Nature Study by Chancer & Rester-Zodrow. I've been waiting for an opportunity to do it with my kids and thought February would be a good time. I then volunteered to do it with one of our co-ops and I've been leading this project (along with the fantastic Debbie) for a few weeks now. We have 12 children ranging from 5 to 8. Debbie and I are also journaling along with the children. We plan on continuing through March and I feel we could do this for at least two more months!! I highly recommend the book. The opportunities to explore art, math, science, astronomy, poetry, seems endless.

To top it all off, we were able to view a full lunar eclipse. I roused our boychild from sleep, dressed him, wrapped him in a blanket and dragged him outside to catch sight of the moon being eclipsed by the earth's shadow. I eagerly tracked an arctic front all day and predicted it would clear in time for the viewing. Indeed, the clouds lifted in the nick of time. Occasionally, a few would race by obscuring our view but they were fast moving and we were not disappointed. At the peak of the eclipse the moon appeared to be a light brownish orange color. I called it the Hazel Moon.

I have two pictures from the night before my camera battery called it quits. 

_______________________________________

Bliss moment:

I spent two night and three days with Five women from one of our homeschool learning co-ops. We dearly missed the other half of our contingent but made the best of it with wine, pedicures, dining out, a hike, a trip to Trader Joe's and endless storytelling, processing and sharing!

It was an unforgettable and much needed respite from everyday life.

Thank you to all of the people in my life who are there to share the bliss along with the trials.

 

 

 

 

Yesterday marked the seventh year Chris and I have been married. I worked because I always forget our anniversaryand didn't request off. Fortunately, Chris isn't a romantic and never remembers either. It wasn't until this year that I realized that it coincides with the Autumnal Equinox, which is one of my favorite sabbats. So, I prepared a lovely and intimate feast for our wee family. We intended to have a fire but the mosquitos and rather warm weather made that tradition seem unappealing. Instead, Chris and I shared a bottle of Shiraz and watched football.

Chris and I married in 2000. Our boychild was a year old. We had a baby, were buying a house and figured we'd make it official. So we called a justice of the peace and committed ourselves to one another in the privacy of our Richmond duplex on Floyd Avenue. I remember that the JP looked like Santa and that Cruxien spent the entire 7 minute ceremony opening and closing a door :)

I think we called our family after the fact. I don't really like going to weddings or being in them. I've never fantasized about dresses, flowers, diamonds, caterers, veils, tiny quiches, or any of the trappings of a wedding. I like rituals though and I think that when we celebrate our 10 years we should have a ceremony and a party. Of course, there will be fire and all matter of pagan references ! That's just me. It will most certainly be DIY.

Here's some great news. Chris and I are more in love and more attracted to one another now than we were when we married. We've made it through some very dark and difficult times and some amazing ones. Our relationship is deepening and we are growing together. One thing I've had to learn to do is be more trustful in our love and turn toward Chris during challenging times. Too often, I'm prone to become distant. I credit Chris for helping learn thses things about myself. He is patient, loyal and steadfast and I need a stable element in my life.

So in honor of our seven years of weddedness, a love poem. John Donne's The Ecstasy.

                                                                        

WHERE, like a pillow on a bed,
    A pregnant bank swell'd up, to rest
The violet's reclining head,
    Sat we two, one another's best.

Our hands were firmly cemented
    By a fast balm, which thence did spring ;                                                 
Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread
    Our eyes upon one double string.

So to engraft our hands, as yet
    Was all the means to make us one ;
And pictures in our eyes to get
    Was all our propagation.

As, 'twixt two equal armies, Fate
    Suspends uncertain victory,
Our souls—which to advance their state,
    Were gone out—hung 'twixt her and me.

And whilst our souls negotiate there,
    We like sepulchral statues lay ;
All day, the same our postures were,
    And we said nothing, all the day.

If any, so by love refined,
    That he soul's language understood,
And by good love were grown all mind,
    Within convenient distance stood,

He—though he knew not which soul spake,
    Because both meant, both spake the same—
Might thence a new concoction take,
    And part far purer than he came.

This ecstasy doth unperplex
    (We said) and tell us what we love ;
We see by this, it was not sex ;
    We see, we saw not, what did move :

But as all several souls contain
    Mixture of things they know not what,
Love these mix'd souls doth mix again,
    And makes both one, each this, and that.

A single violet transplant,
    The strength, the colour, and the size—
All which before was poor and scant—
    Redoubles still, and multiplies.

When love with one another so
    Interanimates two souls,
That abler soul, which thence doth flow,
    Defects of loneliness controls.

We then, who are this new soul, know,
    Of what we are composed, and made,
For th' atomies of which we grow
    Are souls, whom no change can invade.

But, O alas ! so long, so far,
    Our bodies why do we forbear?
They are ours, though not we ; we are
    Th' intelligences, they the spheres.

We owe them thanks, because they thus
    Did us, to us, at first convey,
Yielded their senses' force to us,
    Nor are dross to us, but allay.

On man heaven's influence works not so,
    But that it first imprints the air ;
For soul into the soul may flow,
    Though it to body first repair.

As our blood labours to beget
    Spirits, as like souls as it can ;
Because such fingers need to knit
    That subtle knot, which makes us man ;

So must pure lovers' souls descend
    To affections, and to faculties,
Which sense may reach and apprehend,
    Else a great prince in prison lies.

To our bodies turn we then, that so
    Weak men on love reveal'd may look ;
Love's mysteries in souls do grow,
    But yet the body is his book.

And if some lover, such as we,
    Have heard this dialogue of one,
Let him still mark us, he shall see
    Small change when we're to bodies gone.

---

Donne, John. Poems of John Donne. vol I.

E. K. Chambers, ed.

London: Lawrence & Bullen, 1896. 53-56.