Our home school collective went on a field trip to a dairy farm yesterday. The excursion was illuminating, to say the very least. I certainly don't feel like an uninformed person when it comes to understanding where our food comes but seeing things up close and personal really brings the details into the blaring light. From my perspective, it was a sad, sad place to be. The cows live under a roofed concrete floor that is fashioned with water mattresses for them to lie down on. They walk around in their urine and feces. Their legs are and sometimes their sides are caked with their bodily fluids. And if you haven't been a round a cow in a long time,  their is a lot of urine and poo. The children marveled at the copious amount of waste issuing from the backsides of these black and white dairy maids.

I'm sure the waste is hosed out a few times a day and it probably wouldn't have seemed as awful to me if I hadn't asked the question, "When do they go out to pasture?" The answer: "Only when they are about 2 months from giving birth." Other than that they live on concrete floors. They are inseminated by humans (with bull sperm , of course), their calves are born, taken away and fed formula. The calves live in little plastic huts called "Calf-tels." Some of these structures  have the word HUMANE imprinted on them.

 

On the flip side, the farmers aren't rich. I don't mean this to be some sort of expose on dairy farms. My understanding (from a friend who has dairy farming family)  is that dairy farmers are not financed by banks unless they farm a certain way. The "certain" way is the the path to the most profit. The path to the most profit does not include pastures and exercise for the cows. The path does not include a natural diet for the cows but rather corn. Cows normally eat grass. Funny, we grow lawns and mow them like it is a religious ritual but cows must eat corn. The path does  include antibiotics, chemicals, water beds and aqua cow rising systems for downed cows.

So then, the farmers barely eek out a living, the cows live a life on concrete, corn and three milkings a day, we consumers imbibe denatured milk containing who knows what (really), and who reaps all the benefits from this mess? The big milk companies, chemical companies, agribusiness and banks I guess. I'm sure I'm missing something here but it all adds up to me thinking our family needs to change its eating ways. Reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle along with my continued readings of Wendell Berry has enlightened me but the path to eating in a just and sustainable way is a windy one. Our family lives on a very modest income. CSA's, buying shares in cows, buying local and organic foods and are prohibitively expensive for us. I held back a gasp the other day at our local organic Market, Ellwood Thompson's, when the clerk informed me that ONE organic red bell pepper cost $8. Again, who is REALLY profiting from those prices. The farmers? I doubt it.

So, I'm growing bell peppers and tomatoes and lettuce and peas and beans and basil and squash. But it won't be enough to get us through a year. It'll help though.

I've also been peeking through a book called Food Not Lawns. It has some radical ideas. I always like a sprinkling of radical. Food Not Lawns also has some fantastic ideas on how take control and ownership of our foodchain here and now. I'm pretty sure I'll be owning this book soon!

Clean Food. Pure Air. Clean Water. We, the living beings of this planet, need them all to be healthy.

Are we healthy? That is the question.

____________________________

 

Other suggested reading: Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals 

photo: Shy Calf. Kimmy Certa 

Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors,
there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Of all of the months, I think April is the most interesting to experience. There is just something completely unique about the transition from winter to spring. April finds you where you are and can lift you up into a whirlwind of love, creativity, and constant motion or April can bring you to your knees , befuddling you with tears and leaving you feeling turned inside out and slightly crazed.

I speak from experience.

 

Every April I chatter on and on to my friends about my April Theory and I post a little essay on this here blog !

I was happy to note this year that Barbara Kingsolver seems to agree with the April effect . She writes in Animal,Vegetable, Miracle, "April is the cruelest month, T.S. Eliot wrote, by which I think he meant (among other things) that springtime makes people crazy. We expect too much, the world burgeons with promises, all passion is really a setup, and we're doomed to get our hearts broken yet again. I agree, and would further add: Who cares? Every spring I go there anyway, around the bend, unconditionally. I'm a soul on ice flung out on a rock in the sun where the needles that pierced be begin to melt all as one¹."

 

So without further adieu, Here is my annual posting of the APRIL THEORY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

April is here. If your are feeling tad unhinged, a bit crazed or just plain touched, just hold on tight. Things will probably seem more manageable come May. I'm serious.

April,or early spring, has a special kind of energy. A creative, explosive force  that can make one wild or melancholy. Sad or prolific. Absolutely wonky or wretchedly dark...or maybe a little bit of everything.

My own life experience has revealed such a pattern. This pattern led to The April Theory. As far back as I've been tracking it goes like this....

1992:January, February, March, Crazy
1993: January, February, March, depressed and green warranted
1994: January, February, March,  Specifically, 4/9/94 (palindrome) was an infamous night in my  personal history. It is the night I, my first husband, my best friend and a few other folks had an origami party (mentioned earlier in blog entry titled Paperfolding) and we also had a silly, yet serious, proclamation of VOWELS (not vows). I'll save the rest for another entry. Needless to say, we were completely pixilated. April can be quite inspiring.
1995: April: incredibly bohemian times tinged with mania, highly creative time.
1996: April: separation from first husband
1997: April: wildly delicious, intensely creative time
1998: April: same as 1997
1999: April: very depressing pregnancy. I was not a happy pregnant person.
2000: April: I have no recollection of this year's April
2001: April: I was in the hospital the first week of April after having been operated on and diagnosed with stage lll colon cancer. Twas the most horrific April of all.
2002: April: overwhelmingly lovely spring
2003: April: a prolific time
2004: Ecstatic April as our daughter was born a few days before. She was born exactly 3 years after my cancer diagnosis; cancelling out that horrific day.

2005-07: A calm but highly productive and artistic April

 

    This theory developed from long conversations with my best friend, Corey, who has experienced the April crazies with great frequency. Perhaps, the term spring fever sprang from this phenomena? And I would definitely make a slight distinction between, to quote owl in Bambi, being "twitterpated" and the April freak outs that I have experienced; though they are definitely related. Maybe this tendency is forgotten knowledge? Maybe the spring rites from days of yore emerged from an innate need for humans to exorcise the darkness of winter through wild bonfire dances and copulation in the bushes whose branches were swelling with life. A formal and extravagant farewell to death at least until next winter.

The spring equinox occurs when sun passes through the constellation Pisces, so that explains it all right? The sign of Pisces is two fish swimming in opposite directions. I've often used that little bit of information to explain away my inner conflict and odd behaviors .

 
Here's what I have in support of my April/Spring Theory, play along:

~ According to T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland

~ More suicides occur in the spring than any other season...bet most folks think it is winter but I reckon spring is a slap in the face to people who are in the depths of despair. At least the coldness of winter commiserates with you.

~ Spring Fever: n. a feeling of languor or yearning brought on by the coming of spring

~ Then there is April Fool's Day

~ I've heard country people say that ailing old folks usually make through the winter and then die in spring.

~ I know that April is the kind of month that feels like a perfect May day on the 6th and a brisk March day on the 8th. It is unpredictable. It is marginal. Lots of folks just can' t handle marginality. Marginality can conflict nations so I imagine it can unruffle your psyche a bit too.

~April is National Poetry Month

See, that can't be coincidental.

So, let spring in. If you resist, you'll probably feel foul. Either way, you'll be slightly askew. Get outside and put your hands in the dirt. Build a fire and enjoy the feeling of a warm face and cool posterior; you'll be sharing a sensual experience that has been felt by peoples from all times and places in human history. Make love, let your kids stay up way too late. Give in to your creative desires. Let wildness rule for a bit, you may not know it, but you need it.

Yep, April is here and I feel compelled to share my theory and give fair warning. This one feels like it is going to be a doozie.

I'll always, ever remember when
April came and licked us up,
Pouring us in and out of cups².

Fare thee well.

 

 

 

¹ Kingsolver, Barbara, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life, (Harper Collins, 2007) 45.

² Certa, Kimmy. April's Ten of Cups, (self published,1994)

 

I'm on day three of my moonblood cycle. And yes, I actually talk like that in real life. Ask anyone  who knows me:) This is always the day when I feel utterly drained. My feet are cold. I'm still in my pajamas and I've sent the kids to watch Peter Pan in our bedroom so I can crank up the music and mess with photos and blog. A little Radiohead, a dab of Low, some Ralph Stanley & Gillian Welch, Benevento and Russo Duo (who we will be seeing March 5th in Richmond) creates an interesting mood on this cold and wet day.

Ya know,when I write, I don't always know what is going to come out. Sometimes I go back and read what I've written and it doesn't even sound like me. Of course, its hard to know what you sound like.

I've started two entries to day. One I deleted and the other I'll save for another time. THIS one though , I decided, should be positive. 

POSITIVITY is my new challenge. I've conquered the tobacco, I'm succeeding in taking care of my body and now I need to care for my soul. 

"Can you please ask your brother (or sister) that in a more positive way?"

"Um, Kimmy, can you try and approach this upcoming event with love and high expectations?"

"Boychild, can you rephrase that in a more caring tone?"

The answer is "Yes, yes we can."

Can we start making it our habit?  

"We will give it our all. "

__________

So this month has been filled with moments of bliss. We spent time with friends who moved to Flagstaff 2 years ago. There was a magical time when our lives were all intermingled. Our lives were changed when they left but it is comforting to know that they are very happy out there in the West. We tried to spend every moment we could with them. Crux was best friends with their son and it was heartwarming to see that they still enjoyed each other's company.

________ 

Another highlight of our lives lately has been the wee potluck circle that has developed between us and 2 other families. Not only has my food rut disappeared thanks to the amazing food Debbie and Nancy delight me with but it has also inspired me to explore the amazing healing properties of communal eating. Food sustains us and , I believe, has the ability to heal our bodies and our communities. I wonder if our Neighborhood Resource Center would host a monthly neighborhood potluck?....

With Debbie's permission, I will post her recipe for the delectable and incomparable AMBROSIA !!

_________

 

Bliss. You know what bliss is? Moon Journaling is bliss. I bought a wonderful book about 2 years ago called: Moon Journaling: Writing, Art and Inquiry through Focused Nature Study by Chancer & Rester-Zodrow. I've been waiting for an opportunity to do it with my kids and thought February would be a good time. I then volunteered to do it with one of our co-ops and I've been leading this project (along with the fantastic Debbie) for a few weeks now. We have 12 children ranging from 5 to 8. Debbie and I are also journaling along with the children. We plan on continuing through March and I feel we could do this for at least two more months!! I highly recommend the book. The opportunities to explore art, math, science, astronomy, poetry, seems endless.

To top it all off, we were able to view a full lunar eclipse. I roused our boychild from sleep, dressed him, wrapped him in a blanket and dragged him outside to catch sight of the moon being eclipsed by the earth's shadow. I eagerly tracked an arctic front all day and predicted it would clear in time for the viewing. Indeed, the clouds lifted in the nick of time. Occasionally, a few would race by obscuring our view but they were fast moving and we were not disappointed. At the peak of the eclipse the moon appeared to be a light brownish orange color. I called it the Hazel Moon.

I have two pictures from the night before my camera battery called it quits. 

_______________________________________

Bliss moment:

I spent two night and three days with Five women from one of our homeschool learning co-ops. We dearly missed the other half of our contingent but made the best of it with wine, pedicures, dining out, a hike, a trip to Trader Joe's and endless storytelling, processing and sharing!

It was an unforgettable and much needed respite from everyday life.

Thank you to all of the people in my life who are there to share the bliss along with the trials.

 

 

 

 

"No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure."
— Emma Goldman, Lithuanian-American anarchist writer, lecturer and activist (1869-1940)

 

I find that it is very difficult to nod and smile when faced with criticisms regarding our family's choice to homeschool. I'm aware that most conversations having to do with children can be contentious subjects in a diverse crowd. Any of the following topics could turn into a heated debate at the drop of a hat: what pediatrician you use, what you feed your child, how you diaper or don't diaper your children, how you discipline, where your child sleeps, how you choose to educate....all of these can be hot button issues.

My general attitude is to wish everyone well and go with what works for our family. Just because we don't send our children to government or private schools doesn't necessarily mean we are opposed to them.  I don't skydive or eat pickled eggs but it doesn't mean I oppose those things or people who like them. However, when the sensitive subject of children arises it often seems that folks think our choice means we oppose their choice and that is not only false but kind of sad to me.

 

Recently, and this is not the first time someone has uttered these words to me, I was told by a schoolteacher at a playground that our choice to homeschool was hurting the public school system. She said that if we weren't "part of the solution then we were part of the problem". Firstly, that old adage is a logical fallacy known as a false dichotomy. There can be MANY solutions to the ailments our public schools face today and I'm pretty certain that if all the homeschoolers in the USA matriculated their children in the public school system the problems would still be there.

While I'm no expert on public school, I only attended them for 13 years , my gut feeling is that the problems that face our public school system are merely a symptom of the greater ills facing our society. Children are our barometer and they are telling us that  something is wrong. I honestly don't think the schools can just be fixed by more policy changes or reforms. We must change ourselves, change our priorities and change how we perceive the child and what it means to educate a child before we will see mass positive change. How do we do that? 

I really don't know. When I hear folks talking about  NCLB or when I read the words of our mayor and various school board members I get kind of queasy because I hear words like : business, industry,performance, tests, accountability, deficient. I also notice that the government seems to heavily emphasize reading and math. What about science, art, music, history, foreign languages,  and they thousands of unquantifiable  qualities that make up the amazing genius of every child? Do we honor children by speaking about their education as if it were a product of big business or by making it a political war zone?

Do we honor them? Are we putting their greatest needs first?

I'd love to hear the school board and mayor talking about the genius of every child or investigating and reporting on the education methods from other countries. It would be amazing to have a dialogue about how children learn best and honoring and supporting them and their teachers.  Perhaps these things would be possible if our families weren't working so much, struggling to pay the bills and wrestling with the transportation issues and healthcare. Perhaps we could focus on our children and honor them if we honored the well being of all of our citizens over profit. I don't know, it's just a thought.

We have determined that our family is happiest when we are together. We enjoy the freedom of not being beholden to the school schedule. We find that our children are able to learn quite nicely without school. Our choice doesn't mean we oppose schools and it certainly doesn't mean we don't take a deep interest in the health of our community.

We'd also like to think our choice reflects one of the many solutions to changing our world for the good. We live modestly, eat healthy foods,  exercise, spend time outdoors, recycle, try to be conscientious about our use of the earth's resources and we teach our children the value of community service, peace and problem solving. We're just doing our best to make it through life like everyone else, only we're doing it without school.

In closing...no, I don't think we're part of the problem :) 

 

 

Photo: Not Back to School Day 2007