I'm posting this today because I know we will be too busy celebrating all day tomorrow. Tomorrow marks the day that our dear Ane turns four. She entered this world on her due date. She entered this world without pain (at least on my part) and she came in hurry. All in all, I labored less than an hour and half, which is why she was born on the bathroom floor of our wee bungalow before our midwife arrived. Chris and I experienced one of the most profound moments of our relationship on that bathroom floor. After realizing that I did not have to go #2, I called to him that he needed to come catch the baby. Seated upon the throne I grabbed his waist while a wave of contractions took over my body. I could hear Chris breathing erratically. I briefly wondered if he was OK. Then I threw myself on all fours. Chris was behind me. Suddenly her head emerged with no conscious effort on my part. I asked Chris what he saw and he managed to semi sob, "She's. Looking. At. Me." We waited. I tried to push a little and it burned. I told Chris that I wasn't going to push. Our midwife, Nancy, and I had I talked about some of the forceful pushing I did during our son's birth. So we waited. Her head was born. Chris was watching her. It seemed like a long time and then my body pushed her into the world and into Chris' arms. I rolled over, lifting my leg over Chris, baby and umbilicus and said, "Where's my baby?"

Chris heard brakes and stumbled to the front porch where our midwife stood at the front gate. She reported that when she saw Chris with  enormous pupils, a soggy sock and smeared with blood, she wasn't sure what to think. Chris told her we were in the house and turned around and walked right back in the house; leaving Nancy at the gate with all of her bags and equipment. Nancy was able to locate Ane and I by my laughter. She found us on the bathroom floor, me sucking on my new offsprings nose. A few of my neighbors also peeked in the bathroom . Nancy helped me up and I walked me down our hallway to the bedroom where birthed the placenta and got in bed with Chris and our daughter. It was purely ecstatic! Chris and I were truly high for days afterward. I felt like a goddess.

Nancy bathed me in herbs. Her energy made the whole day feel like a sacred party. The sun was bright. It was a perfect spring day. She called our baby a stargazer because she came into the world looking up toward the heavens.

Children are truly magical beings.

Anwen's birth also falls on the same day (three years later) that I was diagnosed with stage lll colon cancer but that day's meaning was forever changed by our dear magical daughter.

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea.

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Also, because I'm a big advocate of women and our choice to give birth without a cascade of interventions check out The Business of Being Born. Remember, birth is an emergence, not an emergency.  

I couldn't possibly ennumerate all of the things we've learned in this household recently but it might be fun to share some of them.

1. I learned that a fig is a flower, not a fruit. Technically, the flower is inside the fig "fruit," which is called a "synconium." We're harvesting our second crop of figs this year. Our breba crop (the spring time crop) was killed by a freak April snow, so we're in fig heaven :)

2. Dear boychild learned that water expands when it freezes when he attempted to freeze a rubber lizard in one of his  "potion" bottles. Twas an interesting discussion indeed. His curiosity, power of deduction and sensitivity are in overdrive. Our eight year old cautious child is now becoming more daring and things he used to eschew.

3. My darling mate learned how to install a horn in our van. We both learned that electricity is not our strong suit. He's also started writing a blog !! Could I love him anymore? We'll see :)

4. Girlchild is learning so much ,so fast. We can hardly keep up. I think Chris and I both feel dwarfed by her enchanting imagination and amazing sense of humor which are both tinged with her own brand of surliness that I find find endearing and eerily familiar.

5. Perhaps the most amazing thing I've learned recently is that I have the ability to change myself. Having grown up in a family that never talked about or did anything related to the outdoors or fitness, I've come a long way. I've always been overweight and spent my school days like a lot of chubby kids: having my sense of self and self love chipped away day after day. I spent/wasted a good amount of time fretting over my weight, NOT enjoying  life the way I wanted and knowing that my weight was a disappointment of my family.

The last time I was at a "healthy" weight, I had cancer.I thought that once quit smoking (that was 5 years ago) that I'd be able to do anything, including losing weight. Quitting smoking turned out to be MUCH easier that losing weight.  I had to process al ot of feelings and fears but its happening! I'm healthier, I'm exercising regularly and feeling good. Maybe it has something to do with being 35. Maybe it has something to do with being a parent, I dunno. I do know that like quitting smoking, it was something that had to come from me and no family member, spouse or doctor could've put me on this path. The path to self love has to be walked alone. Of course, friends and family are supporting me (thanks Nancy and Chris) but the work is mine and so are the outcomes !

Just thought I'd share that good news with ya'll. I've set a goal for myself to lose 60 lbs. I'm nearly one third of the way to that goal!  

When's the last time you set a goal for yourself?  

There is nothing quite like preparing one's large bowel for the camera.

This will be my seventh colonoscopy since 2001. I'm 35. Having a colonoscopy, in and of itself, is a piece of cake. The twilight sleepy drugs make it a rather comfortable intrusion. It is the preparation of the bowels that really sucks. The seventh time is neither easier nor more pleasurable. Not only am I starving because all I've had to eat today is jell-o, a piece of toast, coffee and Italian ice but my entire day has been devoted to and planned around the bathroom.

 I also have a 3 1/2 year old and a one-month-away-from eight year-old. Thankfully, they both felt sorry for me and were helpful (at least until little one lost her cool at bedtime).

So the day is shot, I take the 4 pills at noon that are supposed to get things moving and the instructions, as you can see, say WAIT FOR BOWEL MOVEMENT. I *thought* I might at least get some reading done, but the waiting was distracting, in that it was accompanied by extremely uncomfortable bloating and waves of nausea. I did, however, watch the movie Iris and wept a little here and there amidst all of the other sensations. Periodically, my children would run in and sing a get well song...or chant.

So, day shot, feeling super-icky, AND then 4 hours later the nausea and bloating disappear. Where did they go? 

I think you know.  

So, day shot, and a span of 3 hours of urgent defecation has replaced bouts of bloating and nausea. AND then the hemorrhoids descend. The bowels are pretty much prepped now.

After all of this I have now come to the stage where I am overcome with the need to shower, shave, powder and primp. I'm weirding myself out but , at the same time, I get why extra hygiene is called for. Help, what do I wear to my colonoscopy? O yeah.  A paper shirt.

So, clothes are selected, legs shaved, hemorrhoids are deflaming and I've blogged about it.

I'm still hungry. What next?

Oooo, right, anxiety. The anxiety has been creeping in all week. The bowel prep was just a distraction from all of the other emotions that this yearly "ritual" evokes. The first time I did this I woke up with concerned faces peering down at me. Within one hour I was in surgery having a giant  "mass" made out of cancer removed form my colon. I was 29, been married 6 months, just bought our first house and we had a 1 1/2 year old son. I was diagnosed with stage lll colon cancer (which means it made it to some lymph nodes) and underwent 6 intense months of chemo, so far so good but the taste of the laxative, the rigorous bodily processes, the hospital, the IV, the EVERYTHING that goes with it brings up a lot of emotion, both bitter and sweet.

I'm grateful that I am able to have these screenings every year. We were uninsured back in 2001. My husband works hard to help pay for the insurance we have now. 

I know early detection is my friend but i still like to laugh about it and complain just to lighten the mood, if you will :)

So, I'll keep you posted. I know everyone is eager to read  their Annual Kimmy Colonoscopy report! 

P.S. This year I prepared my bowels with the Delayed-Release Bisacodyl tablets and Half Lytely. I think Half Lytely (just like Go-Lytley) are equally vile and that the flavor packets, Lemon-Lime, Cherry or Orange, only make this lukewarm, thick ,salty,clear fluid vat of nastiness even more vile. I think I've done all the preps they have to offer and I'd  choose none of them over the other. That's just how foul they are....sorry people.

This is what I hide.

I've loathed this part of my body for as long as I can remember.

The only exception is when my babies grew in there....

My stomach, my belly. It is scarred and marked with pearlescent lines.

It is a map of the greatest sickness of my life and the greatest joys. 

In case you're wondering why I always plop self portraits up here, check out Self Portrait Challenge. It is a continuous artistic self-expressive art project community. This month's challenge was "body parts" and here is the challenge that was put forth.

" ...for April I think we need a challenge…a tighter parameter and to connect with ourselves, our physical selves. I think this might be challenge for many and for others it might be easy. Whatever the case I want everyone to challenge themselves - push their boundaries and limits. photograph your good bits, bad bits, wobbly bits and sexy bits. photograph it all and show us your body. - I don’t expect to see any traditional portraits, no pretty faces or full body shots, rather bits and extracts of your self.