existential tooth
04.20.2007 April has indeed been an interesting month. Intense in a good way and sprinkled with juicy life moments.
Case in point~ life was proceeding quite normally on Wednesday night as I met with some new and old friends over coffee at the Cafe Gutenberg to talk about crafting and how to gather our resources and support one another's entrepreneurial endeavors. There was inspiration and good vibes all around until I started feeling a throb in a tooth that has been broken for quite some time.
That night, I couldn't sleep because of the pain. I began calling dentists as soon a business hours were upon me and got an appointment for 3:20 pm. I took my kiddos to one of our homeschool co-ops but realized that the pain was too intense and distracting. We made an early departure and I cried most of the way home.
So, I called Chris and he was home lickety split. Thanks goddess he only works 5 minutes from home.
I've experienced many different kinds of pain in my life.
There is the pain of many needles jabbing into the crook of your elbow because my veins roll and it always take 4-5 tries before anyone can snag a vein to collect my blood.
There was the time my little sister flung open the bathroom door when I was swabbing my ear and the door hit my elbow causing me to rupture my own eardrum. The pain was blinding and I fell to my knees instantaneously. That pain only lasted a short time.
The worst pain I've ever lived through was the post operative pain after my hemi-colectomy. It was searing , all encompassing pain and that was WITH an epidural in my spine and morphine. I have a scar that begins above my belly button and goes down to my pubic bone. When I became conscious after that surgery...blinking was agonizing. Speaking, breathing, moving a toe...it all racked me with pain. The worst pain of that experience was crying (and trying not to cry because it hurt) when they told me I had cancer. Painful on every level really.
Now...childbirth. With my first child, I had an eight hour labor. There were some moments of excruciating pain but nothing I couldn't handle. Besides, the pain was not pain from injury or illness.... it was pain with purpose. I've already mentioned before that my second child's birth was an ecstatic and virtually painfree homebirth.
NOW...tooth infections are on a level of pain that I hadn't experienced until yesterday. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I sobbed on and off as the pain washed over in waves. It creeped around. At times it felt as if all of my teeth, my left ear and the crown of my head were all pulsing with misery. If a dentist hadn't been available and we didn't have an empty credit card for emergencies such as this I would've been drinking whiskey toute suite.
My children were super concerned. My husband felt helpless. However, there was a silver lining to this agony. First, I discovered one of the kindest dentist offices ever. The staff was very sympathetic. As I signed in the receptionist looked at me and said, "Come with dear."
No waiting! No questions. SHe handed the paperwork to Chris and swept me away to sweet relief.
Within minutes I had been x-rayed . The dentist came in and had a kind face. He was straight forward about my options and didn't tisk-tisk me or finger wag about the wreck that is my mouth. I opted to have the tooth yanked and spend some money getting the rest of my mouth in a better place.
I was freaked out about having it pulled though because my only other tooth pulling experience was a brutal memory. Tthe dentist said it was my fault it was taking her 40 minutes to extract the tooth because my roots were curved. I came home with a bruised face after that one. So, when asked if I want some nitrous oxide...I said,"How much extra is that?" The nurse replied, "Twenty-eight dollars, " to which I replied, "I'll take it."
So, 4:00 Thursday, I'm jacked up on laughing gas (see photo above taken by Chris with his phone) and Chris is holding my hand as the dentist shoots me up with novocaine. He has an excellent technique. I never felt the or saw the needles. I wish my eyes had cameras. Looking up at the dentist, past the nitrous mask on my nose and seeing his hand holding a steel implement and his look of concentration as he attached some sort of tooth gripping tool to my bottom molar....a bright light behind him and me all wacked out on nitrous....it was all surreal.
Then, I heard crackling sounds in my ear, white knuckled the chair arms,raised by body up,felt pressure and a strange coolness and the anticipation of pain was intense and it was over. Suction, rinsing, a few stitches. The ordeal was over. Time for milkshakes, more pain medicine and sleep.
All of this was very overwhelming for me. The pain, lack of sleep, drugs...but it suddenly felt like a very auspicious day. I have an incredible husband who is there for me when I am weak, sick, and vulnerable. I have friends who offer to care for my children. We were able to find good medical care and we had the means to pay them. Crisis, small or large, can reveal your blessings. Looking at Chris as we drove home yesterday I saw him afresh. He is a gentle, kind, selfless and loving guy who will also take charge and tell me things I need to hear even when I don't want to hear them.
He's got my back and I know it. I really truly know it and that isn't something that everyone has.
What about all of those weak, sick, and vulnerable people who have no one. What about them?
It was an intense and surreal day and it left me with a lot to consider, a lot ot be thankful for and one less tooth.
APRIL, gotta love it.
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If you haven't read my April Theory...go HERE.
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-Sarah
ps: got the earrings and they are most lovely!