Stirrings & The April Theory

You know how you sometimes have to make a really big mess in order to clean your house?

Every spring, my life gets really mucky...most of the time it is for the good. There have been times when the muck manifested itself in "Kimmy-we-think-you-need-help" kind of way but I'm all better now;)

So, this spring is no different. I feel the stirring, do you? I've rearranged the house, been writing alot, birthing all kinds of new ideas for jewelry designs and concocting schemes for the future. The future in which Chris and I have our own family business and there is also my deep desire to return to academia and become an eccentric and wildly effective therapist.

So, I'm putting on my boots and off to muck around with my newly shorn hair, my mate , who is also afflicted with Spring Fever, my my children who'll be grown before I know it.

Here's my unrevised essay, The April Theory, for your perusal. It was previously published on this blog on 4.01.05

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Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors,
there would be an unbelieveable shrieking into the heart of the night.
Rainer Maria Rilke

April is here. If your are feeling tad unhinged, a bit crazed or just plain touched, just hold on tight. Things will probably seem more manageable come May. I'm serious.

April,or early spring, has a special kind of energy. A creative, explosive force  that can make one wild or melancholy. Sad or prolific. Absolutely wonky or wretchedly dark...or maybe a little bit of everything.

My own life experience has revealed such a pattern. This pattern led to The April Theory. As far back as I've been tracking it goes like this....

1992:January, February, March, Crazy
1993: January, February, March, depressed and green warranted
1994: January, February, March,  Specifically, 4/9/94 (palindrome) was an infamous night in my  personal history. It is the night I, my first husband, my best friend and a few other folks had an origami party (mentioned earlier in blog entry titled Paperfolding) and we also had a silly, yet serious, proclamation of VOWELS (not vows). I'll save the rest for another entry. Needless to say, we were completely pixilated. April can be quite inspiring.
1995: April: incredibly bohemian times tinged with mania, highly creative time.
1996: April: separation from first husband
1997: April: wildly delicious, intensely creative time
1998: April: same as 1997
1999: April: very depressing pregnancy. I was not a happy pregnant person.
2000: April: I have no recollection of this year's April
2001: April: I was in the hospital the first week of April after having been operated on and diagnosed with stage lll colon cancer. Twas the most horrific April of all.
2002: April: overwhelmingly lovely spring
2003: April: a prolific time
2004: Ecstatic April as our daughter was born a few days before. She was born exactly 3 years after my cancer diagnosis; cancelling out that horrific day :)

    This theory developed from long conversations with my best friend, Corey, who has experienced the April crazies with great frequency. Perhaps, the term spring fever sprang from this phenomena? And I would definitely make a slight distinction between, to quote owl in Bambi, being "twitterpated" and the April freak outs that I have experienced; though they are definitely related. Maybe this tendency is forgotten knowledge? Maybe the spring rites from days of yore emerged from an innate need for humans to exorcise the darkness of winter through wild bonfire dances and copulation in the bushes whose branches were swelling with life. A formal and extravagant farewell to death at least until next winter.

The spring equinox ocurrs when sun passes through the constellation pisces, so that explains it all right? The sign of pisces is two fish swimming in opposite directions. I've often used that little bit of information to explain away my inner conflict and odd behaviors .

 
Here's what I have in support of my April/Spring Theory, play along:

~ According to T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland

April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory out of desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

~ More suicides occur in the spring than any other season...bet most folks think it is winter but I reckon spring is a slap in the face to people who are in the depths of despair. At least the coldness of winter commiserates with you.

~ Spring Fever: n. a feeling of languor or yearning brought on by the coming of spring

~ Then there is April Fool's Day

~ I've heard country people say that ailing old folks usually make through the winter and then die in spring.

~ I know that April is the kind of month that feels like a perfect May day on the 6th and a brisk March day on the 8th. It is unpredictable. It is marginal. Lots of folks just can' t handle marginality. Marginality can conflict nations so I imagine it can unruffle your psyche a bit too.

~April is National Poetry Month

See, that can't be coincidental.

So, let spring in. If you resist, you'll probably feel foul. Either way, you'll be slightly askew. Get outside and put your hands in the dirt. Build a fire and enjoy the feeling of a warm face and cool posterior; you'll be sharing a sensual experience that has been felt by peoples from all times and places in human history. Make love, let your kids stay up way too late. Give in to your creative desires. Let wildness rule for a bit, you may not know it, but you need it.

Yep, April is here and I feel compelled to share my theory and give fair warning. This one feels like it is going to be a doozie.

I'll always, ever remember when
April came and licked us up,
Pouring us in and out of cups. (1)

Fare thee well.

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1 Certa, Kimberly  April's Ten of Cups (excerpt) , 1994

Comments

[kim]

Thanks for that post. I needed to hear it because the spring fever is here and a bit out of control.

[Heatherness]

I completely agree, I had the shittiest April ever this past year. I actually said this April has been terrible to multiple people, and I said I would be nervous come April next year. Hence, being amazed for little miss Kimmy to open my eyes to this "April theory". It gives me some relief, but still didn't rectify my April!