SPC: Self Portait as.......self love
07.4.2006 
The self portrait has been around the block. I've always found it fascinating to see how others "see" themselves and I never really attempted self portrait until recently. Operating within the limit of the self as the subject is liberating and slightly uncomfortable. Liberating, in that I already know the WHAT and uncomfortable because the WHAT is me and there are all kinds of ego things involved. Like, is this flattering? What will people think of how I look?
But, hey, self portraits are interesting BECAUSE there is ego wrapped up in the whole shabang. The "Bowl of Fruit" Challenge just wouldn't be so interesting....would it?
My body has always been troubling to me. I'm a substantial woman, for one. I'm also a cancer survivor....cancer can be troubling. It has only been since I got cancer five years ago that I've finally let go of a lot of my useless self consciousness. It wasn't easy but I really wanted to live without fear dictating the things I do....like wearing sandals or a bathing suit. Sounds silly...I know. As a young girl I was picked on quite a bit about my weight. Then there are the feet. My grandfather has truly flat feet and my father was always apologizing that I inherited the dreaded wide foot gene :) SO, naturally, I developed a complex about my feet....what a burden <smirk>.
So here is a tribute to the parts of my body I've always put down, covered up, and refused to love.
My stomach: which was stretched by two lovely babies and scarred by a hemicolectomy that saved my life.
My feet: which hold me up, walk me around and are joyfully dirty from being a barefoot addict.
My scarred neck: which hasn't done anything to deserve my loathing
Happy Independence Day to me and you :)
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6:43 P.M.
While washing the dishes I had a realization about the neck scar. The scar took the place of , what my parents always called, my beauty mark. In the fifth grade, my mother had it removed because she thought it could turn into cancer at some point in the future. So, I walked around school with black stitches in my neck for a while. Everyone called me Frankenstien. I played it off but going from beauty mark to Frankenstein wasn't exactly good times when you're ten years old.
That year the optometry industry invented the eye glasses that turn into sunglasses outside. That year I got my first pair of eyeglasses. Plasticy, brown big lenses that turned into sunglasses. At the end of the school year party every fifth grader got recognized with an award. My award was "Looks Like Hollywood." I had no idea what the award meant, so I asked my teacher. She said it was because I wore sunglasses inside like a movie star. What a year!!
Reader Comments (10)
you are so beautiful.
i think that each time i see you at the river.
what a lovely way to embrace your uniqueness on independence day.
happy fourth, gorgeous girl. xoxo
Well done!
xxx
I too am a home birth mommy... all three at home :) I love that you do it too.
Best wishes and I wanted to say something like congradulations. There are several people in our family still fighting and I just never know the right thing to say...
Great job.